Sometimes you have to scare yourself

For years now I’ve been talking about my ‘career’ vs. my  ‘job’ because I wanted to do so many other things. I want to study nutrition, I want to write, I want to make jewelry, I want to sew, I want to manage the husband’s art business, and I’ve done none of it because I have had jobs that suck the life out of me and I have nothing left at the end of the day to follow through on my creative side or my passions or even take care of myself physically. Every week for the past I don’t know how long, I’ve made a list of things I’m going to do that week, including catching up on my blogs, working on a book, catching up on schoolwork, sewing something, doing other things that could be a decent income, or even making healthy meals for the week, and I do none of it because all I want to do is sleep, watch a movie or read a book or do anything really that will get my mind off my day job. So I quit. September 28 will be my last day. It’s really scary because I have to do something to pay the bills, but maybe forcing myself to do it is the key. There’s no sleeping 12 hours a night and watching old musicals all day when you have to think up ways to get money in the bank. Scary, but exciting at the same time. So Craft Making, Jewelry Designing, Health Coaching, Artist managing and perhaps even Can Collecting Rachel is on to the next phase!

Happy Kids Don't Walk

Every noticed that? They skip, jump, dance, twirl, hop, gallop, etc… but rarely does a child just take one plain old step after the other when they are genuinely happy.  And if there’s a pond, puddle or fountain, they have to go through, in or over. I recently watched a little boy walking with his mom doing this funny little side step/hop thing back and forth with this huge grin on his face. It looked like they were just heading into the grocery store but he gave the impression he was thrilled just to BE. I love that.


C'mon, run through the fountain with me!

I’m going to take my cue from them and add a bit more bounce to my step. Maybe I’ll even skip now and then (once I find a good sports bra). If it’s true what they say, that portraying the emotion you want to feel on the outside can make you actually feel it on the inside, I’m going to plaster happy all over me. So if you see a woman skipping down the streets of Portland with her groceries, with a big goofy grin on her face, it just might be me.

Something I haven’t learned yet

When did it become such an important part of life to have a career? When I talk about my job dissatisfaction everyone wants to know my career goals. Used to be people just worked. Did what they had to do to put food on the table and a roof over their heads. Unless you were like, King, or something, your job didn’t rule your life. I mean, maybe it did in the sense that you were a butler or a blacksmith and you worked from early morning until late at night and jobs like that did basically define people, but when did it become necessary to have a successful career in order to find satisfaction in life? Maybe it’s just prevalent in the places I’ve worked? Maybe it’s a class thing? Is it just an US of A thing (I know there are places on the planet where people are satisfied with what they have as opposed to needing a big paycheck to afford the latest ‘stuff’)? Maybe growing up in a mix of lower and upper middle class people I’ve seen a disproportionate number of humans desperate to have a career to advance their social and material standing.  I’m really amazed at how people are dedicated to carving out a career for themselves, even for companies that could care less about an individual’s well being. I’m saddened by the number of emails I get Monday morning that show me people were working (or at least checking email) at all hours of the weekend. WHY????? To advance your career? I understand someone with a talent for painting or composing or writing needs to produce but I’ve seen people in finance, project management, construction, advertising, engineering, working their fingers to the bone to advance their career and not just to make money, but to make a name for themselves. It’s more important than their marriage, their children, their mental, spiritual and physical heath…WHY?????? I have a job which helps me keep a roof over my head and food on the table and pays for the occasional fun thing (like vacations, on which I NEVER check work email). More importantly, I have a family, good friends, spirituality and satisfaction in my non-work life.  What would I need with a career? That would just mess things up.

It's June already?

Actually, we're over halfway done with June (Or June-uary as it's being referred to here, brrr). I realized the other day it's summer tomorrow and I hadn't updated anything for far too long. That doesn't mean I haven't learned anything, just that I haven't written it down. Work has really got to me lately, and some other things and I haven't felt like putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. Apparently I haven't learned how to find a job that won't drag me down mentally and emotionally. So I decided to start a new page. It's really just to explain a little about me and my life and hopefully help some other people to learn some things. If you want to know more, check out my new page about the way I was raised.

Things I’ve Learned About Recommending Stuff

Okay I admit this may be less of a learning experience and more of a pet peeve but I have to get it off my chest. I’m not really one to tell other people what to do since everyone has their own mind, even if some choose not to use it, and their own preferences. It actually makes me nervous to recommend something in case they really hate it, then I’ll feel bad. So I find it better to simply let people know what I’ve enjoyed and they may enjoy it as well. Here’s the pet peeve: I HATE when people tell me, “You HAVE to do (or go, or try, or eat)…” especially if they don’t know me that well. Whether it’s a restaurant or a store or an activity or a place, it just makes me annoyed that someone has the gall to order me to do it. Just because you think it’s the best thing that ever happened doesn’t mean I will. I’ve actually had people be offended when I don’t want to do (or go, or try, or eat) something they’ve said I HAVE to do. Part of this comes from me not liking being told what to do, and part of it comes from experience.  I.e. someone said, “You’re going to (such-and-such city)? OMG, you totally HAVE to try (such-and-such restaurant)!” so I go but I don’t really like it and I tell them that and they’re like, “OMG, But they have the best steaks on the planet!” and I’m all like, “But I HATE steak, so why did you order me to go there again?” Honestly, it amazes me just how many people think their opinion is really so remarkable that everyone else MUST do what they’ve done. That seems like an extraordinary amount of conceit to me. So when someone tells me I HAVE to do something, my first inclination is to put it on my list of things NOT to do. However, my curiosity and my ridiculous need to please everyone gets the better of me so I have started asking people, usually in a nice way, why they are pushing me to do something. Then I can decide if it goes on my ‘NEVER do this’ list. Maybe I’ve just known a lot of bossy people, but I’m just asking that everyone think before they speak especially when it comes to matters of opinion. The fact that we like different things is what makes people so interesting and encourages variety and we’ve all got to remember that

A Support Group for Portlanders Not Portrayed in Portlandia

Yes I'm from Portland and yes I watch Portlandia. To quote Karen from 'Will and Grace', "It's funny 'cuz it's true!" I know some locals who think it's awful and no where near reality and portrays us in a ridiculous way but usually those people hail from the suburbs, don't spend much time in the city. What I'm trying to figure out is where I fit in. I don't think I do, actually, and I'm okay with that. I think what the show does really well is show how people here have made it abnormal to be normal. Not everyone, of course, but enough of the population that one would make a tv show out of it.

So many people here are determined to be an original individual but end up exactly like everyone else in their clique, practically clones of each other. People purposely hunting obscure subcultures, counter cultures, lack of culture, trying desperately to belong to any sort of culture except the one they were raised in or one that appears 'normal' to most of the world. And all these various cliques and groups are presented in this show and it's hilarious.

Then again perhaps I'm just fooling myself when I think I'm not a part of a cloned clique but here it's really not so normal to be like me: I have no tatoos, my navel ring has closed, I have a ring in that little front flap part of my ear but in Portland that's nothing. I don't hang out in coffee shops or bookstores, I don't read every bit of liberal online news that comes out, I don't consider myself a microbrew expert, I don't play in adult playground sports leagues, I'm not a graphic designer, I don't go to First Thursday but I'm not anti First Thursday, I don't like bacon ice cream but I'm not a vegan hippie, I don't own a pair of Toms, I don't make it a point to discuss every new band or every new indie film that comes out, I'm not a rich suburban teen who dresses like a Mad Max extra and comes downtown to panhandle...the list goes on. The only real Portlandia character I can relate to is the Battlestar Galactica loving couple (but then again I didn't go watch it every week at the Baghdad). And I'm okay with that, really.

I'm sure there's a whole city full of normal out there that I can relate to but in the meantime I'll have a ton of fun watching the show and relating it to the people I see in my downtown 'hoods where I live and work. And to the north and east where I shop, hang out, drink and people watch. I may never be fodder for the show but I'll keep watching and cracking up as I see actors I recognize playing parts based on the real characters I see every day.

Keep up the good work, Fred, Carrie, Sam, Kyle, etc.

thanks for the laughs

Go Outside

I've been told this by various doctors and therapists and parents and husbands and friends but I'm a little on the lazy side so I don't take advice like that well. I also live in Oregon so sometimes the gray and the wet are more conducive to staying under a blanket with my cats, coffee the remote and a book. But it's one of those things that I'm trying to put into practice. So now when I'm feeling down and my usual melancholy takes hold but it's not too wet or gray I plan to GO OUTSIDE. This weekend was sunny and gorgeous in Portland. A little on the cold side but not that lung-freezing painful makes my teeth hurt cold. I went for a walk on Saturday and actually saw a bald eagle flying around!! That was pretty amazing, I've only seen a couple in Oregon and then only in the hills on the way to the beach (yes it's beach, not coast). I also saw a couple Heron but that's pretty normal. You could also see Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Hood but that's also normal. I don't know how old I was when I learned that things like that aren't 'normal' for a lot of the country. I forget that sometimes and it takes eavesdropping on some visitor's conversation to remind me I live in a beautiful special place that I need to stop taking for granted. So Sunday I read that the Lan Su Chinese Garden was free to get in so I hopped on the streetcar and headed over. Again, beautiful and amazing. Clear Blue Sky and serene setting (despite the crowds). I've only been here once years ago when it first opened and that was in summer. Can't wait to go again in Spring and see how it changes. It was all in all a beautiful weekend to be outside in Portland. Oh the things I've been missing by staying inside!!

Imparting wisdom

Hahaaha. I don't have any wisdom. Except to say that just when you think you've achieved a decent measure of wisdom something comes along to prove you wrong. I havent been feeling wise at all lately so I'm writing down whatever pops into my head. Maybe one day I'll read this and realize I was more wise than I thought or I'll realize that I'm a lot smarter at 50 than I was at 40 or more likely I'll abandon this blog before too long and it won't matter. But my intention (and we all know how valuable intentions are) is to use this blog to record my thoughts and observations. And I use the word 'wisdom' instead of smarts because I think there's a difference. A lot of people have studied books and gone to school and done a lot of things to look and sound and sometimes even be smart bit they're still lacking wisdom. That's what I want, wisdom. The person who always knows what to say on a card, the grade school graduate grandma spouting brilliance from her rocking chair, the rare person who uses every opportunity to observe rather than promote themselves, these people have wisdom. And that's my goal.

Some things I write might be funny (apparently I make people laugh when I least intend it) some might be sad and some will just be. But they'll all be me. This is my brain. My brain on blog.